So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
