sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
