I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
