i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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