she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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