That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
