She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
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there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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