respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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