dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
