So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
