Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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