I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
