In the future we'll all be gay
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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