I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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