if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
