Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
