im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
