i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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