I just pynch a tree in the face
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
