Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Vodka?
Forever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
