I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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