Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
