Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
