I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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