that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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