Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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