Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry about my life...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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