I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
