I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
