Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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