Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
