You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
