I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
