That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
