Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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