you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
