Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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