I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am one with the molecules
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
