wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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