i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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