i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I am morally bankrupt
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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