I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
