Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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