You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
