Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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