I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
