Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
