What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
