this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it's like iHOP with fire
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
