The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
