Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
