My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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