Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
