Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
