I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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