well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
