Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
