i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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