is wine microwaveable?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
