i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
