i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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