you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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