It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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